


fourth of july

by adorecas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-07
Updated: 2013-01-07
Packaged: 2017-11-24 00:43:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/628350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorecas/pseuds/adorecas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas watches his first fireworks show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fourth of july

Cas perches gingerly on the hood of the Impala, trying to evenly distribute his weight and not create any marks on the car. He crosses his legs and places his hands behind him, looking up into the night air. Less than half a mile away, there’s a park having a fireworks show. It’s the Fourth of July. 

The loud bangs and pops of fireworks barrage Cas’ ears as he watches the colorful display against the night sky. Blues and greens and purples remind him of Dean. Reds and oranges and yellows remind him of Sam. He sighs, leaning back against the windshield and folding his arms behind his head like Dean showed him. (‘Just relax, Cas. See? You don’t always have to sit up so straight...it’s okay to let yourself loosen up sometimes.’) His eyes are glazing over and he’s not even paying attention to the fireworks anymore. He sees a scene in Heaven. A scene with teenage Dean shooting fireworks in an abandoned field with a young Sam. His lips curl into a slight smile, like they always do when he remembers the happy moments Dean had. 

The smiles never touch his eyes though. They’ve been dull and sad for too long now. It takes Cas thirty minutes to get the Impala to the top of the hill where he wanted. He finally makes it, though, and now that he’s lying back on the hood again, he can almost feel Dean’s body pressed against his side again. It’s an odd feeling, but not a bad one. Cas never got to have his own Fourth of July on Earth, and Dean made him promise to do a few important things here before he left. Cas muses, thinking it was likely not Dean’s intention for him to do these things alone, but a lot of things that Dean intended did not come to pass either.

Cas squeezes his eyes shut, pushing away those thoughts. This is supposed to be a happy holiday. The sounds of fireworks continue in the background while Cas envelops himself in darkness, but he can’t push away the mountain of memories that are suddenly flashing through his mind. Dean’s smiling face is in all of them.

The grand finale is starting and the fireworks are at their loudest and most brilliant, Cas breathes a sigh of relief and reaches into the window. He unlatches the emergency brake and climbs onto the roof of the car. He lies back down, imaging Dean’s form right behind him, arm protecting him and keeping him warm. The Impala slowly begins to slide forward down the hill, a grove of large trees at the bottom. Cas smiles again, picturing Dean’s grinning face and his rough hands around Cas’ waist. The Impala picks up speed and the wind is almost enough to knock Cas off of the roof, but he clings on, the beginnings of tears stinging his eyes. He’s scared to death but he knows it’s the only way to see Dean again. He doesn’t want to die but he doesn’t want to live either. There’s nothing left on Earth but the icy chill of loneliness and an old car that haunts him with its memories. The Impala is suddenly tumbling towards the trees, Cas still clinging to it, finally sobbing outright before it hits the nearest pine and bursts into a glorious explosion. The people in the nearby park don’t hear a thing.


End file.
